Why The People We Are Attracted To Don’t Like Us Back

Do you find yourself always liking someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you? Are the people who you are NOT attracted to falling head over heels for you? It can be so frustrating!!!  

I too had this problem and thought “I just don’t get it!” I discovered that there are a couple of simple explanations as to why the people we are attracted to don’t like us back.

Why the People We Are Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back

#1 Reason as to Why the People We Are Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back – You Act Different Around the People You Are Attracted To

Ask yourself this question “do you act differently around the people who you DON’T want to date than the people you DO want to date?” There is a good chance that you do without even realizing it.

The reason why the people we are attracted to don’t like us back is because we are not being ourselves around them.

Why are the people who you aren’t attracted to falling head over heels for you? Because you don’t care what they think of you. Therefore, you aren’t trying to impress them. You are just being yourself.

You might think “why do all these people like me who I am just not into? I’m not doing anything special, I am just being myself.” Well exactly, you are being yourself and they find that extremely attractive!

We have a tendency to act differently around the people we are trying to get to notice us. It is human nature. Some people are super confident in themselves and don’t act any different, but it is a rare few.  

You might not be as open around your crush or the person who you just started dating because you don’t want to say anything wrong. Or you might be more nervous and therefore not act as happy. Or you might be trying to act like you think they want you to act instead of just acting like yourself.

There could be many things that you are doing differently that you might not even realize. Your whole aura is different when you are acting like yourself than when you are trying to impress someone. You might think that others won’t notice but they will. People can feel other peoples’ energy even if they don’t realize it.

#2 Reason as to Why the People We Are Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back – You Accept Things You Shouldn’t

Sometimes when you like someone you ignore their flaws and you may even lower your standards a bit. It might be a long time since you’ve dated someone and you really want it to work out so you start accepting things you normally wouldn’t. This can cause a problem.

If you are accepting bad behavior from someone you are into, then it might show them that you don’t have a ton of self-confidence. Think about it, would you be as attracted to someone who lets you get away with bad behavior? It would show you that they are a push-over and that they might not be as confident as you thought.

You may not even realize that you are accepting these bad behaviors. I never used to know that I was doing it.

If something doesn’t sit right with you and you don’t say anything then you are in fact accepting it and lowering your standards as to how you deserve to be treated. It can be something as simple as not saying anything when your boyfriend goes to the strippers. If you are cool with it, then that’s great but if it bothers you and you act cool with it he will be able to sense it.

He will know that you aren’t ok with it and that you aren’t assertive enough to stand up and say something. I know how difficult it can be to be assertive but you really do earn respect when you stand up for yourself.

#3 Reason as to Why the People We Are Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back – You Are Giving Way More Than You Are Receiving

If someone is giving and not receiving, then the relationship isn’t balanced and won’t work. It will always be one person talking and the other person feeling bad that they never get anything in return.

If you find yourself always being the giver, then establish some boundaries and raise your standards as to how you will be treated. No one can get away with taking advantage of you without you allowing it.

You may not realize that there is an imbalance in your giving to receiving ratio.  Take a good look at the relationship and evaluate it. If someone can get away with treating you like that then they will continue as long as you allow them to.

The Solution to Attracting the People You Want to Attract

You might be thinking “I can’t believe all the relationships I screwed up by trying to impress someone!” It’s ok, now you know the reasons as to why the people we are attracted to don’t like us back. You can now do something about it. But what can you do? 

1. Always Try to Be Yourself

You need to take little steps and be consciously aware of how you are acting around the people you like. If you notice that you are acting differently, take a moment and turn it around by relaxing and being yourself. This might take a bit of work but it can be done.

Being aware of how you act around your crush is the first step to correct it if you are being different. Eventually, you will start being yourself around everyone no matter who they are. You won’t even have to think about how you are acting anymore. The more you consciously correct your behavior, the more it will stick permanently.

2. Be Assertive and Don’t Accept Things You Shouldn’t

Make sure to be assertive when you speak and that you are receiving the respect you deserve. If you speak in a calm and confident way you will earn the respect you deserve.

By being assertive you will show others that you have respect for yourself and that you can’t be pushed around. People are more attracted to someone with a backbone than someone they can walk all over. 

3. Give and Receive in Equal Quantities

Make sure you are not only giving all the time. Your balance is thrown off when you are only giving. Also, the person you are giving to will start to wonder why you like them so much if you don’t know them very well yet. They could see it as desperation on your part. I’m not saying it is but that is how they may perceive it. 

I’ve had some guys like me a lot right off the bat. If I wasn’t completely feeling it then it turned me off. I thought “you don’t even know me. Why are you so infatuated with me?” I did not want to continue a relationship with them after that. However, there are always exceptions and if you are both feeling it then it is not creepy.

But if you are always the giver then eventually the other person will lose interest fast. I’ve also had this happen quite a bit. Now I look back in hindsight and see why my actions caused them to pull away. I was always the one giving and I started to notice a pattern of men pulling away. The more I gave the more they pulled away especially early on in the relationship.

Also, make sure you are not only receiving without giving. There needs to be a balance of both. If you are only taking, then your partner will start to resent it and feel like you don’t care as much as them. This can cause the relationship to become imbalanced also. 

Why the People We Are Attracted to Don’t Like Us Back – Conclusion

As you can see there are a few reasons as to why the people we are attracted to don’t like us back. Now that you know the reasons it will become easier to make some small changes so that you can start to attract the relationships you want to have in your life.  

So, keep on being your awesome self and consciously try to keep being yourself no matter what. Watch to see if anything changes in your dating world when you are truly being you!

~Meghan